Playing catch up…
It’s been a long time since I have posted to this blog, just haven’t felt like writing much. Life has been going on and some of it sucks and other of it is good. I know I am considerably luckier than most people, not only because of my family but also because of my friends. I feel I have a great support group all around, even if I am too bummed to notice it. On April 20th the divorce was final. Sort of funny that it happened on such a stoner day. Actually, it happened at 2pm exactly. What took about 12 years to build took about 6 months to end. It would have been 8 years of marriage in May. I am still trying to sell the house. Got a contract but the buyer backed out for no reason given. Inspection hadn’t even happened yet. I love my home…and there is a small (very small) part of me that hopes it doesn’t sell. But I need to move on and hopefully soon it will go to a good family. I think I am just nervous about the changes that will happen when I sell it. Not looking forward to renting again.
I thought I was doing better about everything. But lately students and coworkers have been asking why I look so sad. One student told me that she never sees me smile anymore. Another told me to cheer up. I don’t mean to look unhappy, I didn’t even realize I was looking so glum. I thought I was taking steps to feel better, but it must not be kicking in yet.
Currently, my life is filled with Derby, Danskin, Drawing and Work. If I haven’t mentioned it, I am on the Texas Rollergirls Recreational Derby League. It’s not the pros, but we train twice a week and have scrimmages. My derby name is OMG!na. I love and hate the name (my closest friends know why!). I feel I am very slowly progressing, I feel sorry for my teammates…I feel like I hold them back at times (and that’s because we change teams often!). But I do like it and I know if I keep at it, I’ll get better. I was never a sporty person, never have trained or been “coached” either. It’s all so new and weird to me…actually I have never been very competitive. I leave that up to my twin sister. I like to play and have fun, she likes to win. On the rec league we have a range of women, from the “hey, let’s learn and grow” ladies to the “Gosh, why aren’t you faster!” ones. Overall, most fall in the 1st group, and that’s why I like it.
While practicing roller derby twice a week, I am also training 3 times a week for the Danskin triathlon. I guess with the divorce and all I felt I should do it. Not sure what got into me but I thought now is as good a time as any! I want to feel victorious, not sad at what I thought my life should have been. Women have told me about the Danskin here in Austin and how awesome it was to do it. I’ve heard so many cool stories about it and I said why not! The tri consists of 1/2 mile swim, 12 mile bike ride and a 3.1 mile run. I actually am starting to enjoy the running and biking (we’ll see how I feel on Tuesday when we do a BRICK – a bike/run together!). Everyone warned me about the swimming portion and I believed them. I know how to not drown, but not how to swim for real! I took a swimming class in February to start learning how to freestyle. It was hard but I felt more confident, at least I got the idea down. Fast forward now to 1 month before the event and I am having a hard time. I don’t know how people do it! Swim nonstop for such a long period of time! You know when you are running and you pant…imagine doing that in water…you can’t! There is no “catching your breath”, no “let me rest for a sec”, you can’t! We had been training at the YMCA pool…you know, where the water is clear and you can touch the bottom (or side of the pool) if necessary…and is hard but doable. On Saturday we went out to Pflugerville lake at 7am to get into 68 degree water. I thought the cold would be a problem, nope it was the solid green water. Once again I was warned, and I believed them, oh I knew it would be scary and I was scared. But I had my coach right there with a flotation device ready, I tried to mentally prepare. I did a couple of rounds around the first buoy (there were 4, this one was from the shore to the 1st buoy). I was okay, had to stop several times, but I could do it. Afterwords I tried swimming from the 1st to the 2nd buoy. I got to the second and I felt really dizzy, so I turned over on my back and that’s when I panicked. I couldn’t touch the ground to steady myself and staring at the sky made it worse. I started screaming and freaking out and the coach came to me and I think I may have yelled to get out but she grabbed me and had me stare at her and take deep breathes. I was crying. Took a minute or two but I finally calmed down. It was the worst feeling. If you have never swam in open water then imagine this, close your eyes (okay, imagine, since you can’t read this with eyes closed). Close your eyes, and block your ears about 80% and now imagine doing this in the middle of the ocean with waves and a current. WTF right! Sensory deprivation is what they said freaks people out and it does! You can’t see your own hand in front of your face underwater, and when you try to take a breathe people are swimming by so you may get a big gulp of water instead of air. And in open water, there is no “edge” or shallow section (besides the shore). Thankfully there are “swim angels” at the Danskin, I think that is the only saving grace that is letting my mind continue to think I can do this. Without them, I don’t know if I could manage.
Even though I freaked out, I did swim back to the 1st buoy and back to shore. Oh and just FYI, going around all 4 buoys and back is about an 1/8th of a mile…I couldn’t even get past #2!). I pretty much cried all the way home, why was I crying, I have no idea, it just felt good to let it out. Maybe I was crying since I feel like i have so much to learn in 1 month, maybe I was crying because I don’t understand why I am doing this or maybe I was crying because it just sucked. Wow, I just realized that this all happened yesterday morning. It feels like forever ago!
I know I need to really focus on my swimming, today I went to the YMCA closest to my house and swam 900 meters (800 is 1/2 mile). I had to stop at every 25 to catch my breath…but I need to build my endurance. I can tell when I am doing well, moving through the water easily, but I can also tell when I feel like I am not getting enough air and start to freak. I need to do this pretty much daily. There is no excuse. It took me 45 min to do it, which is way too long, too much wasted energy, especially when you have a bike and run waiting for you. I need to bring it down to 30 min and no stopping. I also tried a few times to close my eyes, to recreate the murky water and try to not get dizzy. I know it will pay off if I just keep doing it. If not, I will keep those swim angels busy on race day!
As for the drawing portion of my life, I am taking Dr. Honoria Starbuck’s Drawing and Anatomy class. For 4 hours I get to draw from a model and get some direction. Sadly, I have been putting the least amount of effort to this endeavor. I am supposed to be doing homework to learn the muscles and bones of our bodies, but I have not. I only use the 4 hours to draw and that’s about it. I do really enjoy it and I want to focus on it more, but with Danskin and Derby, 4 hours is all I can give. I want creativity in my life, but why am I always putting it in the backseat?
Work is work. I try and do my job to the best of my ability and go home. I used to pour a lot of extra hours into it, and still do if I have to, but with my limited time, I like to keep the free time I have.












My name is Gina and I am a Web Design & Interactive Media college instructor in Austin, Texas. I received my Masters in Instructional Technology from UT Austin and my undergrad in TV/Film from TAMU-CC. My focus for this blog is wide...I am interested in web design, teaching college level students, being an artist, a Latina, and pretty much anything else that comes into my head!