I thought I was doing better about everything. But lately students and coworkers have been asking why I look so sad. One student told me that she never sees me smile anymore. Another told me to cheer up. I don’t mean to look unhappy, I didn’t even realize I was looking so glum. I thought I was taking steps to feel better, but it must not be kicking in yet.
Currently, my life is filled with Derby, Danskin, Drawing and Work. If I haven’t mentioned it, I am on the Texas Rollergirls Recreational Derby League. It’s not the pros, but we train twice a week and have scrimmages. My derby name is OMG!na. I love and hate the name (my closest friends know why!). I feel I am very slowly progressing, I feel sorry for my teammates…I feel like I hold them back at times (and that’s because we change teams often!). But I do like it and I know if I keep at it, I’ll get better. I was never a sporty person, never have trained or been “coached” either. It’s all so new and weird to me…actually I have never been very competitive. I leave that up to my twin sister. I like to play and have fun, she likes to win. On the rec league we have a range of women, from the “hey, let’s learn and grow” ladies to the “Gosh, why aren’t you faster!” ones. Overall, most fall in the 1st group, and that’s why I like it.
While practicing roller derby twice a week, I am also training 3 times a week for the Danskin triathlon. I guess with the divorce and all I felt I should do it. Not sure what got into me but I thought now is as good a time as any! I want to feel victorious, not sad at what I thought my life should have been. Women have told me about the Danskin here in Austin and how awesome it was to do it. I’ve heard so many cool stories about it and I said why not! The tri consists of 1/2 mile swim, 12 mile bike ride and a 3.1 mile run. I actually am starting to enjoy the running and biking (we’ll see how I feel on Tuesday when we do a BRICK – a bike/run together!). Everyone warned me about the swimming portion and I believed them. I know how to not drown, but not how to swim for real! I took a swimming class in February to start learning how to freestyle. It was hard but I felt more confident, at least I got the idea down. Fast forward now to 1 month before the event and I am having a hard time. I don’t know how people do it! Swim nonstop for such a long period of time! You know when you are running and you pant…imagine doing that in water…you can’t! There is no “catching your breath”, no “let me rest for a sec”, you can’t! We had been training at the YMCA pool…you know, where the water is clear and you can touch the bottom (or side of the pool) if necessary…and is hard but doable. On Saturday we went out to Pflugerville lake at 7am to get into 68 degree water. I thought the cold would be a problem, nope it was the solid green water. Once again I was warned, and I believed them, oh I knew it would be scary and I was scared. But I had my coach right there with a flotation device ready, I tried to mentally prepare. I did a couple of rounds around the first buoy (there were 4, this one was from the shore to the 1st buoy). I was okay, had to stop several times, but I could do it. Afterwords I tried swimming from the 1st to the 2nd buoy. I got to the second and I felt really dizzy, so I turned over on my back and that’s when I panicked. I couldn’t touch the ground to steady myself and staring at the sky made it worse. I started screaming and freaking out and the coach came to me and I think I may have yelled to get out but she grabbed me and had me stare at her and take deep breathes. I was crying. Took a minute or two but I finally calmed down. It was the worst feeling. If you have never swam in open water then imagine this, close your eyes (okay, imagine, since you can’t read this with eyes closed). Close your eyes, and block your ears about 80% and now imagine doing this in the middle of the ocean with waves and a current. WTF right! Sensory deprivation is what they said freaks people out and it does! You can’t see your own hand in front of your face underwater, and when you try to take a breathe people are swimming by so you may get a big gulp of water instead of air. And in open water, there is no “edge” or shallow section (besides the shore). Thankfully there are “swim angels” at the Danskin, I think that is the only saving grace that is letting my mind continue to think I can do this. Without them, I don’t know if I could manage.
Even though I freaked out, I did swim back to the 1st buoy and back to shore. Oh and just FYI, going around all 4 buoys and back is about an 1/8th of a mile…I couldn’t even get past #2!). I pretty much cried all the way home, why was I crying, I have no idea, it just felt good to let it out. Maybe I was crying since I feel like i have so much to learn in 1 month, maybe I was crying because I don’t understand why I am doing this or maybe I was crying because it just sucked. Wow, I just realized that this all happened yesterday morning. It feels like forever ago!
I know I need to really focus on my swimming, today I went to the YMCA closest to my house and swam 900 meters (800 is 1/2 mile). I had to stop at every 25 to catch my breath…but I need to build my endurance. I can tell when I am doing well, moving through the water easily, but I can also tell when I feel like I am not getting enough air and start to freak. I need to do this pretty much daily. There is no excuse. It took me 45 min to do it, which is way too long, too much wasted energy, especially when you have a bike and run waiting for you. I need to bring it down to 30 min and no stopping. I also tried a few times to close my eyes, to recreate the murky water and try to not get dizzy. I know it will pay off if I just keep doing it. If not, I will keep those swim angels busy on race day!
As for the drawing portion of my life, I am taking Dr. Honoria Starbuck’s Drawing and Anatomy class. For 4 hours I get to draw from a model and get some direction. Sadly, I have been putting the least amount of effort to this endeavor. I am supposed to be doing homework to learn the muscles and bones of our bodies, but I have not. I only use the 4 hours to draw and that’s about it. I do really enjoy it and I want to focus on it more, but with Danskin and Derby, 4 hours is all I can give. I want creativity in my life, but why am I always putting it in the backseat?
Work is work. I try and do my job to the best of my ability and go home. I used to pour a lot of extra hours into it, and still do if I have to, but with my limited time, I like to keep the free time I have.
“Hedgehog in Fog” cartoon was produced in 1975 by Yuri Norstein (director), Francheska Yarbuzova (production designer), Serhy Kozlov (script writer).
In the year 2003, basing on results of a survey of 140 cinema critics and animators from different countries, “Hedgehog in Fog” was declared the best cartoon in the history of animation.” -article
It’s perfect.
Need a name!
Progress on the painting I started last night. Obviously I still need some work!
I can’t remember how big this is. 6×6? I should measure it. It’s a little canvas…one of those little crappy ones with the artists name and space for a grade! Or something like that…too lazy to go pick it up and look. Hm, maybe I should invest in nicer ones. Eh, I am still trying to get the whole painting thing down, once I grow I can get the fancy smancy stuff. I went through Little Earthquakes, Choirgirl Hotel, and Boys for Pele…I’m telling you, I need more records! I do have MJ’s Thriller!
After my class today I went to Star Co. Coffee in Round Rock and checked out the Photography clubs exhibit. It was really cool! It’s neat to see some of my very own students with work up. I don’t teach photography but I do teach digital imaging, which those students have to take. I wish I could have a web design exhibit…a lot of the WDIM students are amazing artists. Too bad we can’t have a virtual exhibit 
Danny picked up his fish tank. The house is quiet…no running water from the aquarium filter. There’s a big empty hole in the living room…
And I will fill it with a Christmas Tree! Oh wait, a mini-bar!!!! Screw “mini”, a bar!
Painting - Angel
I think I have completed this angel painting tonight. It’s done in acrylics on canvas with some gold leaf liquid stuff to make the halo. The halo is sort of bothering me, we’ll see if I go back to it. I am supposed to give this up for the Student Art Show at Ai, but I kinda doubt it will sell anyway, so I’ll probably keep it (or perhaps a Christmas gift?).
I started the little one to the right, tonight after the other was done. I have this awesome little record player, I turn on some Tori and just paint. It’s nice, but now I need more records…or perhaps I just need to use my ipod (but the player sounds so good). I need to do this every night, I do enjoy it and feel so much more zen after wards.
These last couple of months have been really tough. Actually, I guess I could say, life changing. At times I am completely fine, knowing that this is probably for the best. At other times I am freaking out, crying, angry, depressed and pretty much starting to understand that “trust” is a 4 letter word. Okay, I know it’s actually 5, but whatever! You get the idea. I will get through it, I will be independent and I don’t need anyone (except friends and family).
Lately I’ve been thinking about personal goals. Not little goals, but big ones, like things you’ve always wanted to do or accomplish. I was lucky enough to learn a little bass and play in a band. I was on the same stages as some of my favorite bands (including Prince! when we played in Indiana). But I would really love to learn piano. I have had one for years (although it’s at my parents house). I have just wanted to learn how to play for so long. I have a little keyboard here in Austin, but it’s not the same. I know basics, some chords, which key is which, how to read some music, etc. but not how to just sit and play. Who knows, maybe it will be really tough to sink into my melon, but what the heck, I got the time. So my immediate goal is to save up funds for a piano (upright, tuned and ready to go).
Also on the horizon is more roller derby. I completed the primer for the recreational league. I am really excited about this. I have my derby gear, including some Reidell skates, helmet, knee and elbow pads, wrist guards, and a mouth piece. Am I ready for full contact? No!! Eeks, I am nervous, but I figure the rec team will know when I am ready and throw me in the fire. It’s actually been pretty amazing. Lots of tough (and not so tough) ladies skating and having fun. I need a roller derby name though. There have been some thoughts on “Whorchata”, but so many people don’t even know what that is. Hm…we’ll see. Any ideas?
I downloaded the album “19″ by Adele. I liked her “Chasing Pavements” song, I mean, it’s okay. But the other night on a TV show I heard “Hometown Glory” and I loved it. I found out who it was and hey, it’s Adele! Turn it up and listen…I’m impressed.
48 miles to Austin…driving home from Corpus Christi. Our weekend was good and long but I am only slightly happy we are going home.
We began the weekend at our in-laws. Danny wasn’t feeling well and so it was pretty down. We had dinner with his family, hung out and chatted. They noticed Danny seemed tired or sad and asked if he was felling okay. He said he was fine and so later that night we watched the Soloist. It was an okay movie, sort of long with no real ending, but interesting. It shed light on people with mental disorders and what can and can’t be done for them. That night Danny and I talked and he seemed to feel better.
The next day, Danny slept in. He never sleeps in. I had time to chat with his parents about things that have been bothering me/us. I told them why Danny might be down. Danny is a very honest person and doesn’t throw feelings around often, if he says he is bummed, then it’s not to be taken lightly. His parents were understanding and his mother usually knows what to say (usually). Overall it felt good talking to them but I wondered if I should really divulge information like that. Perhaps some things in a marriage should be private, and not involve the parents.
That day Danny and his father went to Academy and then fishing. Danny’s mother had asked his dad to talk to him, so when the day was done I asked if they talked. Both are men of very few words. Apparently Danny’s dad said about one sentence about it and that was it. Typical men talk I guess. Either way, Danny had a good time fishing and was much happier. Spending the day with his dad, even if only light chatting was done, was a very good thing. Later that night Kelly, Danny and I went to Half-Priced Books and enjoyed their 20% off sale!
Padre Island on a really nice day!
The next day Danny, his father and I went to the beach. They fished while I sun bathed, walked, played in the surf and read.
Beach self-portrait!
Padre Island (Danny is in the water...fishing!)
Afterwards we went to my families homes. The whirlwind began with a BBQ at Lisa’s house, then hanging at Andy’s. Isaiah got a new kitten and wanted to show her off. She is super cute and named “pulgies”. “Pulga” means “flea” in Spanish. “Pulgita” is the name for a “little flea”. “Pulgies” is like a slang term of endearment to an animal…no for real, it is! Also, my old cat named, Amidala was nicknamed “pulgitas”…he liked it and kept the name.
My nephews, Danny and I
Sunday, we all ate lunch at Kiko’s and then headed to Barnes and Noble. Afterwards we sort of split up at Petsmart and Target. It ended with most of us coming home and napping. The evening wrapped up with eating left overs at Lisa’s.
Before we ate dinner I did get a message from a co-worker. Apparently another co-worker may have been fired. Tensions are high at the college and people are very unhappy with management. I must admit, I’m not a fan either and am wondering if I too should write a grievance letter. The conundrum I am having is that I really love it there. The teaching, the atmosphere, the students…all are great. What I don’t like is the whole “for profit” business. I’ll know more about the whole situation when I go to work tomorrow (or should I say later today).
Let’s see where we are on our trip home…ah, reaching the outskirts of Austin. I can see the city lights, especially the Frost Bank tower.
At least we feel rested and calm. Sometimes going to visit family can be stressful, and at times this weekend it was, but it was good and I am glad we went.
Looking at all the experiences I have had in education, I can narrow down over-arching themes I pulled from working in the different realms.
Let’s start with my first educational job at a community college.
I was hired in 2000 by a community college in Austin. I was very excited to get a job in education for several reasons. One, education is a stable career (usually) and two, I liked being part of something that’s sole purpose is to help educate people. A large portion of my job was to record and edit the Board of Trustee meetings. Afterwords I would compress and stream the video on the web, as well as maintain several web pages. I must admit, I was at times bored with the meetings. Lots of talk about grants, raises and building a new campus or two. It wasn’t till I had been there a while that I really started to listen to what was going on. When they talked about grants and donations, it was all to benefit the students. When they talked about raises, they talked about how to help employees without cutting the needs of the students (a very hard task when working in a non-profit). When they talked about new buildings, they were looking for locations with the furthest reach, they wanted affordable education not only for the people of Austin, but also the surrounding cities and towns. Their purpose was to educate people who didn’t think college was right for them. To educate people who couldn’t pay by offering affordable classes and scholarships. So many people diss community colleges, but they truly do provide an important service. Not everyone gets their education given to them on a silver platter (even if they worked hard for it). Also, along with Associate’s programs, they have technical training, so if the regular classroom isn’t right for you, you can get your degree in auto maintenance or air conditioning repair, etc… May sound dull, but a local AC guy came to our house and made $73 on telling us we need insulation! Obviously there is a need for AC fixers and people are willing to pay. I will always push and tell you how important a community college is, partly because I am a community college graduate. I attended Del Mar College in Corpus Christi and received my AA in Radio/TV.
Sidenote: In high school I was told I should just apply there…and I did. Later I came to resent my counselor. I was not offered any other choices because she thought I couldn’t pay for it/do well/have support, who knows why else. I thought it was my only option. I still resent her, but I am proud I went there and am where I am today because of it. You could try and blame my parents for not pushing, but honestly, they didn’t have the opportunities we did and they just didn’t know what was out there.
The over-arching theme I have learned from my experience and employment at a community college:“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free“! Fighting the good fight, educating the masses…
All this of course, is dependent on the integrity of the college and the board who runs it.
Next, my time at a University. I attended two of varying sizes. The first was Texas A&M Corpus Christi for my BA in TV/Film and the second was The University of Texas at Austin for my MA in Instructional Technology. While I was not employed there, themes still stood out. The culture they create is one of strength and empowerment. We were often told (mainly in grad school) that we were lucky to be there, that we were a select few who made it among many who did not. We were told if you didn’t want to be there, to leave, that there were many waiting to take your place. Students felt like they had to take responsibility of their education and do the best they could with the opportunities they were given. I must admit, it was very stressful, but it pushed me to do well. I wanted to earn the right to graduate, proud that I did my best. And I think I did. The cost was much higher (thankfully I received a few scholarships and then a Fellowship for grad school). But with the cost came many more resources, libraries, museums and academic as well as student support. I don’t have the experience of working at such large institutes, but from the student side, the overarching themes were clear.
The over-arching theme I have learned from my experience at a large University: You were specifically selected, we have a lot riding on you, you have a lot riding on you, don’t let us or yourself down. Oh and “ye shall know the truth, and the truth will make you free!”
In my next post, I will continue my thoughts on over-arching themes that I have observed while working at a public elementary school and at a non-profit college. The differences are very interesting!
So we were able to make 2 of the 4 recipes! Pretty good. My parents came to visit this weekend so we ate out instead. Otherwise, we would have made all 4! Since I won’t be home the next two night (due to classes), perhaps the other 2 can be made later this week!
After my parents left this afternoon, Danny and I took a long nap! I love a good Sunday nap!
Today, my husband is home from touring and I wanted to make him lunch. He mentioned that we should go to Chipotle. I suggested I try whipping up something since I have these groceries now! I knew I could probably find a recipe for burritos and save the money.
I found this recipe at Tasty Kitchen:
Modification:
I did make a change, instead of pouring salsa on top of the chicken breasts as they cooked, I coated one side with fajita seasoning and added the salsa when I added the other ingredients. I also added sour cream and tomatoes to the burritos, if I had lettuce I would have put some of that too!
It was really tasty and pretty easy to make!
I am going to take my great friend, Mandy’s advice and plan my meals for the week. She has suggested some great recipes in her blog “Life in Pink & Blue” and I making my list and am going to have a shopping day. I tried to pick easy to make recipes, since God knows if it’s too complicated, I won’t do it. Also, the recipes could not have perishable items, meaning, if I don’t get around to cooking it till 3 weeks from now, I’d be okay. I tend to buy veggies for meals and never get around to cooking them, then find them in the crisper dark and gross and sometimes growing friends!
The meals I have chosen, along with ingredients and recipes are:
All of these recipes come from the site, Tasty Kitchen. Mandy seems to love the recipes she has found there and I trust her judgment, so I will try them too!
Possible setbacks: A few setbacks I foresee are:
- Class. Monday and Tuesday I have class at 6pm, so I can’t imagine cooking after I get home at 10pm. Perhaps I can do it for lunch, but most likely, that won’t happen…but I will keep that option open.
- Danny. My husband is coming home on Tuesday, yay! He has been guitar teching for a band for three weeks and is returning home. We aren’t sure what time he will come in, perhaps I can cook for him that night, but most likely, that last thing on his mind will be food!! tee hee
- Friends. Lately I have been hanging out a lot with my friends Brian and Tom or Denise. They have been inviting me too hang a lot since Danny is gone. Also, when Danny is here and busy, we usually hang then to. Perhaps I can have a dinner party
- Laziness. Sometimes, coming home from teaching all day, the last thing I want to do is cook. But I am hoping since I picked easy recipes that it will be easy and not seem like a big chore.
I’ll try and post when I actually get one cooked and have done a taste test. I need to find my crock pot!
Movie Poster
Tonight I saw Julie & Julia with some friends. It was a pretty good movie, but what I really liked was the entire Julia Child story. She was very interesting and I left wanting to know more about her. Of course, the big star of the movie (besides Meryl Streep’s acting) was the food! It all looked so good! I just felt like leaving the theater and basting something! Would I ever want to go through a cookbook like the character Julie did? Well, if I did I would not have picked that book for sure (sounded too difficult). But I wouldn’t pick something too easy. My idea of too easy is Rachel Ray or Paula Deen. It would need to be difficult enough to teach me things, but not so far out that I wouldn’t want to eat what I made.
I also think taking some cooking classes would be so much fun. I am great at making recipes (well, most of the time), but as far as knowing what flavors work well together and what doesn’t, I am clueless.
A few months ago my friend Meghan came over for dinner. We were thinking of where to go and she suggested we eat in. I told her I hadn’t gone grocery shopping and showed her my fridge. I had bell peppers, some old sausage, a box of pasta and some spaghetti sauce in the pantry. She whipped us up a feast. She just said this can go with this, add some of these spices and taste. It was awesome. Sausage and peppers with rigatoni pasta! I was so impressed. I hadn’t thought to put those things together, if I had I wouldn’t have thought of those spices! I wonder if one day I will be able to do that!
I do have several cookbooks, perhaps I should start having dinner parties for my friends. It would force me to step out of my comfort zone and learn some cooking! More than just eggs, migas, spaghetti and the general Mexican food like tacos or chalupas.